The following is information about preparing your children for the new arrival and the impact it will have on the family group. With two or more children to look after, your role as a parent could change. It is very important to keep your sense of humor.
Having Another Baby
Having a second or third child will have an impact on your existing family group, but you will be more prepared the second time around and will know what to expect from pregnancy and birth.
The age gap you leave between children is a matter of personal preference. A gap of two or three years will give you a chance to recover physically and get into your stride with your first child. Having two children in quick succession can be very tiring unless you have a lot of support, although the early years of interrupted sleep will be over sooner than if you space your children out. There is no evidence to suggest that children born closer together will necessarily get on better than those born 5 years apart. But they may be able to play together earlier and share friends and interests.
How to prepare your child/children for the new arrival
- From the time your pregnancy begins to show, explain to your child in simple terms how a new baby is growing in your tummy and that it will be a new brother or sister. Try not to tell him too early; 9 months is a very long time to a child.
- As your pregnancy progresses, let your child feel the baby kicking inside you and encourage him to talk to your bump, allowing him to feel involved with what is happening.
- Reading a book together about how a new baby is born can help a child understand what is going to happen.
- Before your baby is born, go shopping with your child to pick some clothes for the newborn. Let him feel he is helping with the preparations.
- Giving a child an honest picture of how things might be different can help ensure an easier ride for the whole family. Reassure him that you will still have lots of time and love for him.
- When your baby is born, it's a good idea for your child to give a 'welcome to the family' present; likewise your baby should 'give' the older child a present to say hello.
- Make sure that when your older child comes to see you and the new baby in hospital your arms are empty and ready to give him a cuddle.
- When preparing the house for your new arrival be aware that your child has been used to having his own space. By making sure your older child has his own bed well before the baby arrives, there will minimal disruption to his life, and less resentment at having to give up his space.
- Help your child to welcome his new sibling by getting him to paint a picture to put on the nursery.
Coping with jealousy
After the baby is home, your child may feel left out and jealous as Mum is giving most of her attention to the newborn. Signs of this include aggression, tantrums and reverting to babyish behaviour, as he might think that if he behaves like the baby, you might pay him the same attention. It may take some time for your child to come to accept and love his new sibling. That's normal, but you can help to ease the process.
- Don't ignore or dismiss your child's feelings. Talk about how he feels and be understanding.
- Set aside time each day to spend exclusively with the older child, perhaps after the baby has finished feeding and can be put down for a sleep. Giving him lots of cuddles will reinforce the fact that you still love him as much as the new baby and listening to what he has to say will prevent him feeling pushed aside.
- Try not to say to your child that you don't have time for him because you are too busy with the baby.
- Show your child how to touch the baby gently, and if old enough, how to hold him; that way he will feel that he's making a contribution and getting involved. You can also encourage him to sing to the baby and play with his hands and feet, or show him his toys.
- Avoid telling your child that the new baby will be a playmate for him. He may be disappointed as newborns don't do very much in their first 6 months, and a child can't really think ahead.
- Ask your child to help at changing and bath times.
- As your children grow up, resist the temptation to compare one against the other. It can give them an inferiority complex, or make them bigheaded.
- Do not leave your baby alone in a room with a young child, particularly if there is a problem with jealousy.
Towards the end of your pregnancy, try to put your feet up and rest. Explain to your child/children that you can't run around, and try to give them absorbing activities that you can supervise sitting down, such as painting or constructive games. If you have a toddler, take naps the same time as he does. Organize your day so that the mornings are busy (housework and errands), then after lunch have a quiet period so you can relax. If your child is old enough, taking him to a playgroup or nursery a few mornings a week could give you a break. Alternatively, ask for some baby-sitting help from friends and relatives.
Family juggling act
With two or more children to look after, your role as a parent will change from being a straightforward carer to being chief organizer, referee and negotiator. You may find it easier to manage your 'team' at home by setting down rules about behaviour, bedtimes, etc. Children need a structured environment so they know what is expected of them, and having a routine will hopefully help your household to run smoothly.
Try to find things that you can all do together, such as a picnic and games in your local park, where older kids can play, Mum and Dad can relax and babies can sleep. And above all, keep your sense of humour.
